🍋 Top 30 Wall Street Intern Stories

Short Squeez
June 15, 2022

Top 30 Wall Street Intern Stories

(not in any particular order)

  1. Asked my intern to find the row limit in excel... He called Microsoft's help desk
  2. Sent a company wide email asking if anyone had work for him to do
  3. First-day lunch: Partner orders an Arnold Palmer. Intern thinks that is booze and orders a Long Island
  4. Asked me what hashtags mean in excel
  5. Got asked by the MBA Associate intern if I started my internship on Monday too. I said no... I am a VP
  6. Wore Sperrys, jeans and untucked polo on the first day
  7. Bought $500 of iTunes gift cards for a scammer pretending to be our CEO
  8. Interrupted a partner in IC meeting to ask if they could go to the bathroom
  9. Kept pressing F9 for half an hour while trying to refresh a hard-coded version of file
  10. From VDR rep: Intern duplicated the data room 3 times resulting in a $100k invoice to client
  11. Emailed MD: "Sorry, what does ETA stand for?"
  12. Intern mansplained supply and demand to a room full of MDs
  13. Replied all to a company wide email asking about lunch time
  14. Brought an actual ruler from home to align boxes on a PPT manually
  15. Didn't know how to convert .pdf to .ppt so remade the whole thing
  16. Brought Halal Guys for breakfast after a team night out
  17. Asked intern to do a VLOOKUP. 30 minutes later he had "how to" searches on... BING!
  18. Sent the client financials to another client (their biggest competitor...)
  19. Redlined a contract with actual red-colored crossed-out font
  20. Did something on the Bloomberg terminal. The whole company got denied access for a month
  21. Left his laptop on the Amtrak on his way to his first client-site travel project
  22. Passed out drunk on the hotel shower drain and caused $50k in water damage
  23. Visibly Snapchat-ed in the middle of a team meeting with MD and got called out on it
  24. Asked for a cell to be bordered, intern created a rectangle over the cell
  25. Wore suit to casual Friday, told to dress more causal. Wore neon green t-shirt and sweats
  26. Told intern to lock his computer, he pulled out a padlock and chain
  27. Asked the bank recruiting head how long did people stay on average in IB before leaving for PE
  28. Emailed the client a list of "thoughts" on Day 1
  29. Copied a 200 page document by manually scanning each page rather than feeding it
  30. Intern unilaterally signed an NDA with a vendor we were potentially engaging for an alternative data API to plug into one of our models. No redlines, no questions, nothing. Dude just signed the NDA and sent it back to the vendor. May I one day be blessed with his confidence

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