Good Morning! Whoop raised $575M at a $10B valuation. Oracle's stock surged after the company announced thousands of layoffs. And Nvidia invested $2B in Marvell alongside a new AI infrastructure partnership.

PE-owned companies borrowed $94B last year just to fund dividend recaps. Japanese fast food is quietly becoming PE's favorite trade: Carlyle owns KFC, Goldman bought Burger King, and Wendy's is reportedly next. And Carlyle is planning a defense-focused fund as military spending ramps globally.

Plus: Trump says the US will leave Iran in two to three weeks, the sports law firm behind the Chelsea sale sold a stake to PE, and are heavy weights or high reps better?

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SQUEEZ OF THE DAY

JPMorgan Now Selling the American Dream

Jamie Dimon has spent the last few years warning that the American Dream is “fraying.” And now JPMorgan is trying to underwrite it.

The bank just launched an “American Dream Initiative,” a new multi-year push aimed at expanding economic opportunity across the US, with an early focus on small businesses, housing, and financial health.

The headline number is big: JPMorgan says it plans to lend $80 billion to small businesses over the next 10 years and hire 1,000 new small-business bankers. The goal is to grow its small-business client base from roughly 7 million today to 10 million over the next several years.

On one level, this is exactly what you’d expect from the biggest bank in America: wrap growth in a patriotic brand, then scale it through branches, bankers, and balance sheet. But it also fits a broader Jamie Dimon theme.

Last October, JPMorgan said it would direct $1.5 trillion over the next decade into sectors tied to US economic security and resilience, about 50% more than it otherwise would have. The message is getting clearer: the bank wants to position itself not just as a lender, but as a central player in America’s economic and industrial future.

There is obviously good PR in all this. But there is also a very real business case. Small businesses are sticky clients. If JPMorgan can win them earlier, lend to them more aggressively, and cross-sell them into payments, treasury, credit cards, and wealth products over time, that is a huge long-term franchise play. When Dimon talks about the American Dream slipping away, JPMorgan is also hearing a market opportunity.

Takeaway: JPMorgan is not just talking about the American Dream anymore; it is productizing it. The patriotic framing is nice, but the underlying strategy is classic JPMorgan: lend big, hire more bankers, deepen local relationships, and own more of the financial lives of small businesses. In America, even the Dream comes with a relationship manager.

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HEADLINES

Top Reads

• Whoop raises $575 million at $10.1 billion valuation on its way to an IPO (BB)

• Deep dive on the SpaceX IPO (Buysiders)

• Nvidia invests $2 billion in Marvell, announces AI infrastructure partnership (BB)

• Oracle cuts thousands of employees as it doubles down on AI infrastructure spending (CNBC)

• Private equity borrows $94 billion in 2025 to fund payouts (YF)

• Goldman Sachs, Carlyle show private equity’s appetite for fast food chains in Japan (BB)

• Carlyle said to plan defense-focused fund as governments ramp military spending (BB)

• Trump says U.S. will leave Iran in ‘two or three weeks’ (CNBC)

• Sports law firm behind Chelsea sale sells stake to private equity group (FT)

• Ares Management leads $1.7 billion private credit continuation vehicle with Antares (WSJ)

• Gen Z workers in NYC flee 9-to-5 for cry rooms and nap pods (NYP)

• Warren Buffett teams up with Stephen Curry and Ayesha Curry for charity lunch, reviving iconic auction (CNBC)

• Warren Buffett says he sold Apple too soon and would buy more of it, though not in this market (CNBC)

• US hiring rate hits lowest since Covid as JOLTS job openings fall to 6.9 million in February (CNN)

• Judge blocks Trump’s $400 million White House ballroom construction, rules he needs congressional approval (CNBC)

• Non-cash-generating private credit loans rise to 14-year peak, Fitch says (WSJ)

• Gas hits $4 a gallon and diesel tops $5.45 as Iran war squeezes oil supplies (CNBC)

• Autonomous boat startup Saronic raises $1.75 billion at $9.25 billion valuation to scale naval fleet (CNBC)

• Global M&A tally hits $1.3 trillion as Unilever’s $44.8 billion food sale to McCormick joins megadeals parade (BB)

• Private credit and buyout shops face uphill fight to crack the $14 trillion 401(k) market (BB)

• Allbirds ties up sale for just $39 million (Axios)

• Private equity's next step into 401(k)s (Axios)

HEARD ON THE STREET

UBS Bonuses and Culture

UBS reportedly canceled a round of junior layoffs after too many analysts and associates quit post-bonus. The firm hit its headcount target through attrition, but most of the strong performers walked, leaving the weaker ones behind.

On Wall Street 360, read real culture reviews from UBS employees, including scores for mental health, physical health, hours worked, hours slept, and weekends in the office.

Access comp and culture data for UBS and 600+ other firms on Wall Street 360.

CAPITAL PULSE

Markets Rundown

Market Update

• Stocks surged as hopes for a potential off-ramp in the Iran conflict lifted sentiment

• Technology and communication services led the rally, driving a sharp rebound in major indexes

• Bond yields moved slightly lower, reflecting easing near-term stress

• Despite the rally, oil remains elevated above $100, signaling ongoing uncertainty

• Markets remain highly reactive to geopolitical headlines and policy signals

Geopolitics Driving the Tape

• Reports suggest the U.S. may scale back military operations, boosting risk appetite

• However, conflicting developments, including attacks on energy infrastructure, keep uncertainty high

• Strait of Hormuz disruptions persist, with tanker traffic still heavily constrained

• Oil prices staying elevated reinforces that resolution is not yet fully priced in

Economic Data Focus

• Attention now shifts to labor-market data throughout the week

• Job openings came in as expected, reinforcing a stable but slowing labor backdrop

• Hiring has cooled, but layoffs remain contained, supporting consumer stability

• The labor market continues to reflect a soft landing dynamic rather than deterioration

Movers & Shakers

• (+) Marvell ($MRVL) +13% after Nvidia announced a $2 billion strategic investment in the chipmaker, deepening their partnership on AI infrastructure and silicon photonics technology.

• (+) Snap ($SNAP) +12% because activist investor Irenic Capital disclosed a 2.5% stake and sent a letter to CEO Evan Spiegel pushing for major changes, including shutting down Spectacles and replacing over 20% of the workforce with AI, arguing the moves could boost the stock to $26.

• (–) Constellation Energy ($CEG) -6% after the nuclear power company issued a disappointing 2026 earnings forecast that came in below analyst estimates, and failed to announce any new data center power deals that investors had been eagerly anticipating.​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​

Prediction Markets

• Watch Wednesday: Rolex GMT-Master II

• Trade on real-world events with Kalshi. Use code OWS to get a $10 bonus when you trade $10.

Private Dealmaking

• Eli Lilly will acquire Centessa Pharmaceuticals for $6.3 billion

• Biogen will acquire Apellis Pharmaceuticals for $5.6 billion

• Whoop, a wearables company, raised $575 million

• Rebellions, an AI chip startup, raised $400 million

• Tenex.ai, an AI cybersecurity company, raised $250 million

• 9fin, a debt capital markets analytics platform, raised $170 million

For more PE, VC & M&A deals, subscribe to our Buysiders newsletter.

BOOK OF THE DAY

The Book of Elon

Description:
A distilled guide to the thinking, principles, and philosophy of Elon Musk, curated and interpreted by Eric Jorgenson. The book synthesizes Musk’s views on first-principles thinking, risk-taking, and building companies that push the boundaries of what’s possible. It focuses less on biography and more on extracting actionable lessons around ambition, resilience, and aligning your work with a larger purpose.

Book Length: 224 pages
Release Date: March 17, 2026

Ideal For:
Builders, founders, and ambitious professionals who want to think from first principles, take bigger bets, and align their work with long-term impact

When something is important enough you do it even if the odds are not in your favor.

DAILY VISUAL

Way To Go

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DAILY ACUMEN

Listen

The most capable people in any room tend to speak last and least. Not because they have less to say, but because they are genuinely listening, updating their position in real time, and have no particular need to perform intelligence in front of an audience.

Talking a lot in meetings, filling silences with opinions, rushing to establish a position before you have fully heard the room: none of this is thinking. It is the appearance of thinking, optimized for being noticed rather than being right.

The person who says one precise thing at the end of a long conversation has almost always understood more of it than the person who narrated their thought process throughout.

ENLIGHTENMENT

Short Squeez Picks

• Is your workout routine too predictable?

• Are heavy weights or high reps better?

• The art of taking smart risks

• A mental trick to fall asleep fast

• The tool Palantir uses to increase productivity*

MEME-A-PALOOZA

Memes of the Day

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