🍋 Goldman VP Gets 3-Year Sentence

Goldman banker got sentenced to 3 years in prison for giving $280M insider trading secrets to squash buddy, plus latest in Ivy League endowment brawl.

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"I wish somebody would have told me to be nicer.” — Mark Cuban

Good Morning! Princeton’s endowment got rekt, and in the latest move in the elite university arms race, they poached an MIT money manager to lead their $34.1 billion fund. WeWork officially filed for bankruptcy late last night. Private credit giants like Apollo and Ares are butting heads and facing limits on who they can buy from. Fortune 500 companies say consumer demand is weakening this quarter. OpenAI dropped its powerful GPT-4 Turbo update and ChatGPT hit 100 million weekly users, only a year after launch.

SQUEEZ OF THE DAY

Goldman VP Gets 3-Year Sentence

The only things certain on Wall Street are death, taxes, and Goldman VPs hooking their buddies up with insider information.

​Brijesh Goel got caught red-handed passing secrets along to his squash buddy and graduate school friend, Akshay Niranjan, a trader at Barclays. Goel and Niranjan agreed to split the profits from their trading.

Between 2017 and 2018, Goel tipped Niranjan on at least six deals in which Goldman Sachs was involved, yielding total ~$280k.

Goel, 39, was sentenced to 3-years in prison, and will also have to pay a $75k fine and forfeit $85k, his cut of the illicit profits. Goldman is also seeking $393k from Goel for legal expenses.

The details of Goel and Niranjan’s close relationship, including drug use and music festivals, heightened the drama of the trial, where Niranjan was the prosecution’s star witness against his ex-friend. In one of the matches, Goel apparently came to the squat courts straight from a bar after having a few drinks.

Takeaway: There’s definitely some drama between the two squash buddies. Niranjan cooperated with the Feds, and recorded conversations where Goel asked him to delete texts regarding the stock tips. But Goel claims this was all part of a setup. Regardless of what really went down - be careful what you tell your buddies during a match of drunk squash.

CAPITAL PULSE

Markets Rundown

Stocks closed higher and notched longest winning streak since January.

Movers & Shakers

  • (+) Constellation Energy ($CEG) +7% after raising its earnings guidance for the year.

  • (–) Paramount ($PARA) -8% after a double downgrade by Bank of America.

  • (–) Dish Networks ($DISH) -37% after missing on both top and bottom lines.

Private Dealmaking

  • Bain Capital will pay $5.3 billion for Guidehouse, a consultancy firm 

  • Hilton Grand bought Bluegreen Vacations for $1.5 billion

  • Aleph Alpha, a German AI startup, raised $500 million

  • Travelers bought Corvus, a commercial insurance products provider, for $435 million

  • Abridge, a clinical documentation platform, raised $30 million

  • Agnikul, a small-lift launch vehicles developer, raised $26.7 million

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HEADLINES

Top Reads

  • Sullivan Tire sells itself to employees, dodging private equity consolidators (Axios)

  • OpenAI announces more powerful GPT-4 Turbo (CNBC)

  • Wall Street is sometimes right to be wrong (YF)

  • How one firm wants to disrupt the traditional private equity model (Inc)

  • Citi considers deep job cuts for ‘Project Bora Bora’ (CNBC)

  • Tech startups try to sell a skeptical Pentagon on AI (NYT)

  • Apple is a bank rather than a technology company (Fox)

  • Audax countersues rival private equity firm H.I.G. Capital (Axios)

  • Bumble founder and CEO to step down (CNBC)

  • Stocks just had their best week of the year (Axios)

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ENLIGHTENMENT

Short Squeez Picks

  • 3 ways to get better at small talk 

  • Why you’re probably terrible at asking for advice

  • 18 stock picks and key metrics to watch for each

  • Inside the private world rich New Yorkers built for themselves

  • 5 key money lessons you can learn from Ray Dalio

DAILY VISUAL

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Includes 4 tickets (cheapest available), four hot dogs, two 16 oz. beers, two 20 oz. sodas and a parking spot

Source: Axios

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Delaying gratification? It's a fine wine, gets better with age. Can today's youth master it amidst TikTok and Netflix binges? Most world problems stem from impatience—Madoff, Epstein, Theranos, you name it.

Our modern Achilles' heel? Instant gratification, courtesy of tech and efficiency cravings. No more carpool line waits, it's Uber and instant shows. Psychologist Daniel Kahneman says we make dumb choices by overvaluing what we don't have.

Life's a rollercoaster, teaching patience. But can today's youth handle it? Can they delay gratification in an instant-reward world? It's a race against time to hold out for that second marshmallow.

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